Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
