go do what you do best...puke behind churches
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
