I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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