very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
