I faked an abortion last night.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
