summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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