I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
