you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
