Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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