so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
