Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
