new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
