Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
