She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
