OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
