I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
