How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize