If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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