I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
