How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
