It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
