I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
