yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
