He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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