yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
