I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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