just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
