Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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