4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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