someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
