Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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