i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
