My friends, they love my intelligence
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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