I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
