found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
