If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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