maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i think i just lost a toe
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
