Where are you?
In a non slutty way
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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