She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
