I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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