I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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