I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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