I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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