I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
