So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
