Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
