On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
