Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
