Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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