im about as happy as oj after his trial
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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