I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
