my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
