OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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