I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
