im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
