What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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