If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
