he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
