The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
