; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
