No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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