Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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