Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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