proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
