i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
